Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense/Lazyman Phrasebook

Lazyman is the main language of Polonjea, Yocrea and some others. It is a cat language, but it is far more complex than meowing and purring. It is only spoken in secret, so that's why you don't hear it.

Pronunciation guide

In Lazyman, you can completely determine how a word is pronounced just by looking at its letters.

Vowels

In Lazyman, there are two forms for every vowel: the regular form and the split form. The split form is used when you want to pronounce a vowel separately from the next vowel. If a word ends in a vowel and the next word starts with a vowel, the first word's last letter is in split form in the Polonjean dialect and is in regular form in the Yocrean dialect. The split form vowels are behind its corresponding regular form vowel in italics.

In the Yocrean dialect, ar is pronounced as a as in father.

• a - a as in bat à

• ā - ai as in pain ä

• ã - a as in father â

• e - e as in let è

• ē - ee as in feet ë

• i - i as in fit ì

• ī - y as in fly ï

• o - o as in lot ò

• ō - o as in no ö

• ø - oo as in school õ

• u - u as in but ù

• ū - ue as in glue ü

Consonants

In the Yocrean dialect, if a word ends in a consonant then the final consonant is not pronounced.

• b - b as in big

• c - ts as in cats

• ç - ch as in child

• d - d as in dig

• f - f as in fun

• g - g as in get

• h - h as in hat

• j - j as in jam

• ʝ - between j as in jam and y as in yes, same as ji in Mandarin Pinyin, only used in foreign words

• k - c as in cat

• l - l as in lamb

• m - m as in miss

• n - n as in no

• p - p as in pet

• q - ch y as in I'm going to watch you, same as qi in Mandarin Pinyin

• r - r as in rat

• s - s as in sit

• ß - sh as in shout

• ś - si as in Asia, only used in foreign words

• t - t as in tick

• v - v as in video

• x - between s as in sit and sh as in shout, same as xi in Mandarin Pinyin

• y - y as in yes

• z - z as in zero

• ź - ds as in dads, only used in foreign words

Common diphthongs

If two vowels are together and the first one is in the regular form, they are pronounced quickly together without pause. There are no true diphthongs in Lazyman.

Phrase list

Basics

Common signs OPEN  CLOSED  ENTRANCE  EXIT  PUSH  PULL  TOILET  MEN  WOMEN  FORBIDDEN

Hello. 

. (Nīlō)

Hello. (informal) 

. (Nī)

How are you? 

 ? (Ēz ya jīd?)

Fine, thank you. 

. (E jīd, sese)

What is your name? 

 ? (Vot ēz ya se mīz?)

My name is ______ . 

______ . (E se mīz ēz _____ .)

Nice to meet you. 

. (E jīd roh e kē ya)

Please. 

. (Qes)

Thank you. 

. (Sese)

You're welcome. 

. (Ya vokom.)

Yes. 

. (Yēz)

No. 

. (Nū)

Excuse me. (getting attention) 

. ( )

Excuse me. (begging pardon) 

. ( )

I'm sorry. 

. (M sowwy)

Goodbye 

. ( )

Goodbye (informal) 

. ( )

I can't speak name of language [well]. 

[ ]. ( [ ])

Do you speak English? 

 ? ( ?)

Is there someone here who speaks English? 

 ? ( ?)

Help! 

 ! ( !)

Look out! 

 ! ( !)

Good morning. 

. ( )

Good evening. 

. ( )

Good night. 

. ( )

Good night (to sleep) 

. ( )

I don't understand. 

. ( )

Where is the toilet? 

 ? ( ?)

Problems

Leave me alone. 

. ( .)

Don't touch me! 

 ! ( !)

I'll call the police. 

. ( .)

Police! 

 ! ( !)

Stop! Thief! 

 ! ! ( ! !)

I need your help. 

. ( .)

It's an emergency. 

. ( .)

I'm lost. 

. ( .)

I lost my bag. 

. ( .)

I lost my wallet. 

. ( .)

I'm sick. 

. ( .)

I've been injured. 

. ( .)

I need a doctor. 

. ( .)

Can I use your phone? 

 ? ( ?)

Numbers

1 

( )

2 

( )

3 

( )

4 

( )

5 

( )

6 

( )

7 

( )

8 

( )

9 

( )

10 

( )

11 

( )

12 

( )

13 

( )

14 

( )

15 

( )

16 

( )

17 

( )

18 

( )

19 

( )

20 

( )

21 

( )

22 

( )

23 

( )

30 

( )

40 

( )

50 

( )

60 

( )

70 

( )

80 

( )

90 

( )

100 

( )

200 

( )

300 

( )

1,000 

( )

2,000 

( )

1,000,000 

( )

1,000,000,000 

( )

1,000,000,000,000 

( )

number _____ (train, bus, etc.) 

( )

half 

( )

less 

( )

more 

( )

Time

now 

( )

later 

( )

before 

( )

morning 

( )

afternoon 

( )

evening 

( )

night 

( )

Clock time

one o'clock AM 

( )

two o'clock AM 

( )

noon 

( )

one o'clock PM 

( )

two o'clock PM 

( )

midnight 

( )

Duration

_____ minute(s) 

( )

_____ hour(s) 

( )

_____ day(s) 

( )

_____ week(s) 

( )

_____ month(s) 

( )

_____ year(s) 

( )

Days

today 

( )

yesterday 

( )

tomorrow 

( )

this week 

( )

last week 

( )

next week 

( )

Sunday 

( )

Monday 

( )

Tuesday 

( )

Wednesday 

( )

Thursday 

( )

Friday 

( )

Saturday 

( )

Months

January 

( )

February 

( )

March 

( )

April 

( )

May 

( )

June 

( )

July 

( )

August 

( )

September 

( )

October 

( )

November 

( )

December 

( )

Colors

black 

( )

white 

( )

gray 

( )

red 

( )

blue 

( )

yellow 

( )

green 

( )

orange 

( )

purple 

( )

brown 

( )

Transportation

Bus and train

How much is a ticket to _____? 

( )

One ticket to _____, please. 

( )

Where does this train/bus go? 

( )

Where is the train/bus to _____? 

( )

Does this train/bus stop in _____? 

( )

When does the train/bus for _____ leave? 

( )

When will this train/bus arrive in _____? 

( )

Directions

How do I get to _____ ? 

( )

...the train station? 

( )

...the bus station? 

( )

...the airport? 

( )

...downtown? 

( )

...the youth hostel? 

( )

...the _____ hotel? 

( )

...the American/Canadian/Australian/British consulate? 

( )

Where are there a lot of... 

( )

...hotels? 

( )

...restaurants? 

( )

...bars? 

( )

...sites to see? 

( )

Can you show me on the map? 

( )

street 

( )

Turn left. 

( )

Turn right. 

( )

left 

( )

right 

( )

straight ahead 

( )

towards the _____ 

( )

past the _____ 

( )

before the _____ 

( )

Watch for the _____. 

( )

intersection 

( )

north 

( )

south 

( )

east 

( )

west 

( )

uphill 

( )

downhill 

( )

Taxi

Taxi! 

( )

Take me to _____, please. 

( )

How much does it cost to get to _____? 

( )

Take me there, please. 

( )

Lodging

Do you have any rooms available? 

( )

How much is a room for one person/two people? 

( )

Does the room come with... 

( )

...bedsheets? 

( )

...a bathroom? 

( )

...a telephone? 

( )

...a TV? 

( )

May I see the room first? 

( )

Do you have anything quieter? 

( )

...bigger? 

( )

...cleaner? 

( )

...cheaper? 

( )

OK, I'll take it. 

( )

I will stay for _____ night(s). 

( )

Can you suggest another hotel? 

( )

Do you have a safe? 

( )

...lockers? 

( )

Is breakfast/supper included? 

( )

What time is breakfast/supper? 

( )

Please clean my room. 

( )

Can you wake me at _____? 

( )

I want to check out. 

( )

Money

Do you accept American/Australian/Canadian dollars? 

( )

Do you accept British pounds? 

( )

Do you accept Euros? 

( )

Do you accept credit cards? 

( )

Can you change money for me? 

( )

Where can I get money changed? 

( )

Can you change a traveler's check for me? 

( )

Where can I get a traveler's check changed? 

( )

What is the exchange rate? 

( )

Where is an automatic teller machine (ATM)? 

( )

Eating

A table for one person/two people, please. 

( )

Can I look at the menu, please? 

( )

Can I look in the kitchen? 

( )

Is there a house specialty? 

( )

Is there a local specialty? 

( )

I'm a vegetarian. 

( )

I don't eat pork. 

( )

I don't eat beef. 

( )

I only eat kosher food. 

( )

Can you make it "lite", please? (less oil/butter/lard) 

( )

fixed-price meal 

( )

a la carte 

( )

breakfast 

( )

lunch 

( )

tea (meal) 

( )

supper 

( )

I want _____. 

( )

I want a dish containing _____. 

( )

chicken 

( )

beef 

( )

fish 

( )

ham 

( )

sausage 

( )

cheese 

( )

eggs 

( )

salad 

( )

(fresh) vegetables 

( )

(fresh) fruit 

( )

bread 

( )

toast 

( )

noodles 

( )

rice 

( )

beans 

( )

May I have a glass of _____? 

( )

May I have a cup of _____? 

( )

May I have a bottle of _____? 

( )

coffee 

( )

tea (drink) 

( )

juice 

( )

(bubbly) water 

( )

(still) water 

( )

beer 

( )

red/white wine 

( )

May I have some _____? 

( )

salt 

( )

black pepper 

( )

butter 

( )

Excuse me, waiter? (getting attention of server)

( )

I'm finished. 

( )

It was delicious. 

( )

Please clear the plates. 

( )

The check, please. 

( )

Bars

Do you serve alcohol? 

( )

Is there table service? 

( )

A beer/two beers, please. 

( )

A glass of red/white wine, please. 

( )

A pint, please. 

( )

A bottle, please. 

( )

_____ (hard liquor) and _____ (mixer), please. 

( )

whiskey 

( )

vodka 

( )

rum 

( )

water 

( )

club soda 

( )

tonic water 

( )

orange juice 

( )

Coke (soda) 

( )

Do you have any bar snacks? 

( )

One more, please. 

( )

Another round, please. 

( )

When is closing time? 

( )

Cheers! 

( )

Shopping

Do you have this in my size? 

( )

How much is this? 

( )

That's too expensive. 

( )

Would you take _____? 

( )

expensive 

( )

cheap 

( )

I can't afford it. 

( )

I don't want it. 

( )

You're cheating me. 

( )

I'm not interested. 

(..)

OK, I'll take it. 

( )

Can I have a bag? 

( )

Do you ship (overseas)? 

( )

I need... 

( )

...toothpaste. 

( )

...a toothbrush. 

( )

...tampons. 

. ( )

...soap. 

( )

...shampoo. 

( )

...pain reliever. (e.g., aspirin or ibuprofen) 

( )

...cold medicine. 

( )

...stomach medicine. 

... ( )

...a razor. 

( )

...an umbrella. 

( )

...sunblock lotion. 

( )

...a postcard. 

( )

...postage stamps. 

( )

...batteries. 

( )

...writing paper. 

( )

...a pen. 

( )

...English-language books. 

( )

...English-language magazines. 

( )

...an English-language newspaper. 

( )

...an English-English dictionary. 

( )

Driving

I want to rent a car. 

( )

Can I get insurance? 

( )

stop (on a street sign) 

( )

one way 

( )

yield 

( )

no parking 

( )

speed limit 

( )

gas (petrol) station 

( )

petrol 

( )

diesel 

( )

Authority

I haven't done anything wrong. 

( )

It was a misunderstanding. 

( )

Where are you taking me? 

( )

Am I under arrest? 

( )

I am an American/Australian/British/Canadian citizen. 

( )

I want to talk to the American/Australian/British/Canadian embassy/consulate. 

( )

I want to talk to a lawyer. 

( )

Can I just pay a fine now? 

( )