Wikivoyage:Joke articles/Galaxy

This article is humorous, do not take it too seriously

if you look closely you will see your home planet (whether it is mars or earth)

The Galaxy is the massive stellar neighborhood we call home, though it’s not much of a neighborhood—unless you count billions of stars, endless mysteries, and at least one slightly confused species of human. Our Galaxy is *packed* with approximately 8 billion people, 100 billion animals (who are mostly unaware they live in the Galaxy), 29 billion intelligent monkeys on their own planets, and a couple of well-meaning but occasionally malfunctioning robots (including one called Elon Musk—don’t ask).

You probably don’t need more of an introduction, because, honestly, we haven’t even figured out how to properly introduce ourselves to other galaxies.

Eat

Throughout the Galaxy, one universal truth has been discovered: Food is essential, especially for species with large brains or who enjoy complaining on Yelp. If you’re in the market for a good bite, you’ll find some of the most legendary (and occasionally edible) restaurants spread across the stars.

Top Restaurants in the Galaxy:

• Restaurant at the End of the Universe - A dining experience like no other, offering views of the universe collapsing in real-time. Reservations: Highly suggested if you want to see the last light.
• The Black Hole Bistro - A trendy spot where food (and time) disappear mysteriously. Perfect for those on a diet or those who love to question reality.
• Supernova Sushi - Come for the raw fish, stay for the fusion of flavors that explode in your mouth (literally, but don’t worry, medics are nearby).

Drink

Ah, drinking in the Galaxy. The locals have a curious tradition of using vodka as a universal currency. No one’s entirely sure when or why this started, but it's probably because vodka is versatile, durable, and after a few shots, it doesn’t matter that the money system makes no sense.

Top Drinks:

• Milky Way Martini - A smooth, cosmic blend of stardust, planetary debris, and olives. Served shaken (by the gravitational pull of a nearby black hole), not stirred.
• Planetary Punch - A potent concoction that’s said to hit you harder than a comet. Drink responsibly or find yourself in orbit around a strange moon.
• Asteroid Ale - Brewed on dwarf planets, this beer has a *rocky* start but finishes smooth. It’s the drink for intergalactic explorers with a taste for danger.

Do

There’s no shortage of things to do in the Galaxy, unless you get stuck in traffic on Earth (in which case, we hope you enjoy the sound of your own frustration). For those with a ship or a thirst for adventure, here are some of the top activities the Galaxy has to offer:

• Visit the 7 Insignificant Wonders of the World – These outdated wonders pale in comparison to the majesty of interstellar phenomena, but hey, if you're on Earth, you might as well.
• Explore Arrakis – Also known as the “Planet of Sand and Sandbars,” this destination is perfect for those who enjoy dunes, spice, and uncomfortably warm weather. Pack sunscreen, if it hasn’t been outlawed by the Fremen yet.
• Take a cruise to the Sombrero Galaxy – A slightly better-dressed galaxy, known for its stylish dark matter and excellent tapas. It’s also home to beings who laugh at our primitive sense of fashion.

Shopping

Shopping in the Galaxy is more than just buying souvenirs (though you can pick up a delightful assortment of intergalactic mugs). The true currency of the stars is Vodka, making it a shopper’s paradise for those who know how to haggle—and hold their liquor.

Top Shopping Spots:

• The Andromeda Mall - If you ever get tired of waiting for this galaxy to collide with ours, you can pass the time browsing everything from wormhole purses to time-travel flip flops.
• Mars Mart - The one-stop shop for all your survival needs. Oxygen tanks? Check. Instant potatoes? Check. Tiny alien figurines? Check.
• Planetary Flea Markets - A bit of a hit or miss, but if you’re in the mood for a bargain, you might find a hyperdrive for half price. Or a cursed trinket. Who knows?

Stay Safe

Intergalactic travel isn’t without its dangers. Pirates, unexpected wormholes, and black holes that think they’re funny (they’re not) can all make your trip a bit more… interesting.

Pro Tips:

• Always keep an extra bottle of Vodka. It can serve as both currency *and* an emergency drink when negotiating with aggressive space pirates.
• Don’t trust any robotic tour guides that say “This will be fun.” It won’t.
• If you find yourself lost, just follow the nearest nebula. It probably won’t help, but at least you’ll have a nice view.

Conclusion

The Galaxy is a wild and wonderful place, full of strange beings, stranger customs, and even stranger restaurants. Whether you’re here for the food, the sights, or just to get away from Earth for a while, there’s no better place to be confused, entertained, and occasionally lost in space.

Remember, no matter where you go in the Galaxy: Always bring a towel, trust no one, and never eat at a place called "Zog's House of Mystery Meats." You’ve been warned.

Go next...

• We doesn’t know another's galaxie